I turned 20 less than 15 days ago. I thought by now i would've forgotten about what happened to me in junior high and high school. But when I think about it, I still want to kill the bullies just the same. (for any authorities reading this, dont worry, i dont plan on doing anything to anybody for 2 reasons: #1, i am no longer under the Young Offenders Act and couldnt get away with killing them as easily as i could 3 years ago. Reason #2: it's not worth ruining the rest of my life because of them.) By gr. 8, these girls (one of whom was my closest friend since age 2), my so-called friends, turned against me. I didnt do anything to them, believe me. We were entering high school, and i guess they figured they didnt need me anymore.
They harassed me constantly----every day----that summer before high school. They'd call me on the phone and say the meanest things, amking fun of my family, and me both physically and personality wise. The thing is, i couldn't hang up the phone on them because then they (and a bunch of other people i didnt know) would come to my house and harass me there. And i had to keep them away from my house in order to protect my family. I didnt want them saying things to my family the way they did me; i didnt want them to hurt my family. So i took it all. Even when they did come to my house, i'd go outside and take their crap until they were finished.
One thing they kept saying to me was "You're never going to make friends in high school. Who could like you?". I went to a different high school then they did. And guess what? I didnt make any friends. But now i know the main reason i didnt is because i was too damn scared to befriend anybody else, fearing they'd do the same thing that my former friends did to me. So, being friendless and bullied (yes, they still continued, even in high school), i wanted to die. I hated everyone, including myself and the world. They even got people at my high school against me, people i didnt even know. It was an all-girls school. I hated it.
At one point, after enduring 3 years of their crap, miserable as hell. By this time my brother was about to enter high school......the same one they attended. Shy and quiet like me, I was so worried they'd do the same thing to him, just because they knew he was my brother. The summer before he entered high school, i had a whole plan set out in case they did anything to him. I got my drivers license that summer (I was 16 by then) just so i would be able to drive my mom's car to the school to pick him up if the need ever arised. Also, if they had done anything to my brother, i would have killed those bitches. There's no way i'd let them make my brother feel as miserable and worthless as they made me. I didnt care what the consequences of murder were.
Luckily though, they didnt bother him (as far as i know). I never told anybody about this til i was 18. I didnt think anyone would care. Kids get bullied every day in school. The school doesnt care. Because of them i was miserable for 5 friggen years. I wanted to die. I wanted the world to end. I wanted to kill.
No, i am not crazy. I hope those who endured the same kind of situation can understand that.
I atually admire people like Nathan Ferris and Jason Michael Smith, both whom shot and killed their bullies (and who had put up with the bullying for years). Nathan later killed himself.
Schools dont do anything. Teachers dont care. I wonder if they ever will. Does it take school shooting to show these people there is a problem here?? And what pisses me off the most is when people sympathize with the bullies. "They have low self esteem and therefore need to pick on someone to make them feel better about themselves", or equally pathetic excuses made by psychologists, teachers, and other so-called experts. What about us? Why cant they help us, those who are being bullied? I'm sure our self esteem is lower then their's (the bully's) will ever be, because of what they did. And we dont go around hurting others to make ourselves feel better. There's no excuse for bullying. None.
Back to Raven Days' Words Out Of Shadow
Back to the Raven Days home page
Copyright to the original articles in the sectionWords Out of Shadow is retained by their authors.