Most of the abuse that I received were verbal and emotionally hurtful, rather than physical. Things change. All throughout in elementary school, I was just a normal kid. With real friends, happy, with no worries. But something must have triggered during the summer between fifth and sixth grade.

The transition... since then, I drew inward, my interaction with other students was becoming nonexistant. I became practically fearful of other people, especially my peers. Didn't want to make eye contact with them, speak as little as possible, and tried to not attract attention to myself. Those middle school years, I did manage to make a few friends, but they felt more like acquaintances who were trying to be nice to me.

I always got taken advantage of because the other kids knew I was so fearful and shy to even tell a teacher about the teasing. I couldn't understand why I was the target of it. Or why I even allowed them to do that to me. Why couldn't I stand up for myself? There wasn't anything about me that made me outrageous or would classify me as a freak.

High school, it just got worse. How could things get worse? It did somehow. I was rejected by everyone. Even the other social outcasts, like the punks, goths, whatever. No one wanted to even have any association with me. I had zero friends. I didn't even have any acquaintances, or anyone to say "hi" to. Some flat out ignored me. I was ignored and I just accepted that fact. But to the popular kids, I stood out to them. Again, I could hardly look people in the eye, I had extreme social anxiety. It felt like all the attention was on me, because I was the only person with no group to fit into, no friends, the loner. The popular kids would stare at me, look at my clothes, judge my looks, make snide comments to their friends, talk about me behind my back, giggle and spread some really nasty rumors about me. But when they wanted to copy my homework or something, they would get two faced and try to act all nice and sincere. The act never fooled me. But as always, I was submissive and couldn't tell them "no".

School was hell. Could hardly make myself stay in a building for six hours filled with people who didn't want anything to do with me. How could I not be depressed and so lonely? I spent the hours in the classrooms, sitting alone, silently, trying to do my work, but also having to hear the whispers of kids talking about me. I stressed about it and their comments played again and again inside my head. It's no wonder I couldn't do any work and my grades were miserable. It was ruining my life. The worst was when the teacher told us to "get into pairs or groups of three" for some project, and I'd be the one always alone, because no one wanted me. I spent lunch time alone, trying to seek places where I knew I'd be alone, and then I would go home, depressed, but trying to not let it show to my parents.

I had no one to divulge my thoughts, my sadness, my frustrations to. No one to talk to, I felt completely helpless, at fault, and deserving of the treatment I got at school. Horrible years of my life.

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